Monday, December 8, 2008

The Stapler Saga: An Office Minion Playlet

It's been so very long, hasn't it, since I've regaled you with the drama of the office? Like yesterday, right? So picture the following scene. . . .

Office of soon-to-be former employee (STBFE), on his way to commanding an entire building and a staff of his own. Before he can reach that lofty height, he must slog through the next two weeks of office dilemmas/crises.

Student worker (approaching STBFE's door): Hey, STBFE, I'm looking for an industrial-sized stapler. [Office minion, Lord of idle students] says that you have one.

STBFE: I know that we have one that goes like this [gestures vertically, compressing large stacks of imaginary papers]. We also have one that goes like this [gestures horizontally, skillfully inserting stacks of imaginary papers].

Student worker: Yeah, the one that goes like this [gestures vertically], that's the one I need.

STBFE: I don't have one. It's in the work room with the other supplies.

Student worker: That one's broken. [Office minion, Lord of idle students] says that you have one that's black with red on it.

STBFE: I just have that one, on my desk. It's a regular stapler. It just plugs in.

Student worker: Oh. I'll tell [Office minion, Lord of idle students.] [leaves]

Moments later, phone rings.

STBFE (looking sucked of will, speaking mechanically): No [Office minion, Lord of idle students], that black with red stapler is just a stapler. It plugs in.

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