Thursday, December 4, 2008

Things That Would Be Really Lovely

1. FOOD. On account of imminent blood draw, I fast. The hallucinations are about to kick in. I must must have caffeine.

2. Another human being in my office space with the highly specialized, top-secret, elite skills of creating and executing mail merges. Every year, around holiday season, it is exhaustingly the same. Here I am, teaching people how to turn a spreadsheet (your friend) into a series of addressed envelopes suitable for mailing. It is always a revelation. Then, I end up doing them all myself anyway, because no one can trouble shoot the printer/xerox.

6 comments:

Toby said...

Mail merge. I've always found that it requires a bit of finessing to work out the kinks, but let's face it. It's not rocket science. If it doesn't involve an integration sign and more than six variables, I mean, how hard can it be?

Hope your food-free blood passes its tests with flying colors.

Laura said...

Indeed, it is not rocket science. There are even helpful little windows to talk you through it. And it is a mystery how cheery holiday greetings fall under the category of Publications, anyway. The Not Me principle, I guess.

Thanks, blood drawn, food stockpile acquired en route to my office. I'm on a blissful sugar spike.

erik said...

you know what would make your day brighter? this: http://tinyurl.com/2wldb

Toby said...

So...many...things...can't decide what to mock first. I'll go with the naked woman curled into a ball on the edge of the bathtub, clearly horrified by the earthtone hues of the bathroom, then the little boy lifting up the woman's skirt (Yes, Billy, that woman isn't wearing panties!). After that, what's with the garage/kitchen. Mmm, leaded car exhaust, just what the kitchen needed. That is of course topped by the interior stable in the first kitchen layout. Perhaps the horse in on the menu and the stall is in the kitchen for easy slaughtering? Oh lordy. As for the crimes against interior decorating committed by the color palettes, patterns, and fabrics selected, I leave that for higher minds.

Laura said...

Oh, this is totally making my day. I don't know if I have time to savor all the delightful, thoughtful details, but I will go back for them. And, Toby, it's not just the miniblind-divided garage/kitchen, it's also the accompanying full-sized trees in the foreground. Nature and technology, all in one innovatively wrapped package!

erik said...

it is truly a thing of twisted, demented beauty.