Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I Laughed At This, Until My Favorite Lunch Spots Each Rang Me Up For $6.66. Now I'm a Believer

Is Obama the Antichrist? In the tradition of the great journalism of years past, Newsweek dives in to find the real answers. Or, they talk to some crazy people. You decide:
[the Antichrist, or, Our World-Enslaver Obama?] will be a sweet-talking world leader who gathers governments and economies under his command to further his own evil agenda. In this world view, "the spread of secular progressive ideas is a prelude to the enslavement of mankind," explains Richard Landes, former director of the Center for Millennial Studies at Boston University.

No wonder, then, that Obama triggers such fear in the hearts of America's millennialist Christians. Mat Staver, dean of Liberty University's law school, says he does not believe Obama is the Antichrist, but he can see how others might. Obama's own use of religious rhetoric belies his liberal positions on abortion and traditional marriage, Staver says, positions that "religious conservatives believe will threaten their freedom." The people who believe Obama is the Antichrist are perhaps jumping to conclusions, but they're not nuts: "They are expressing a concern and a fear that is widely shared," Staver says.

Peeerrrhapps. It's possible. It's conceivable that there may be some premature conclusion jumping. Maybe. Just in case, we're keeping our eye on the Rapture Index.

Before Christ comes again, those who are saved will ascend to heaven, according to this end-times theology, in a huge, upward whoosh called the Rapture. Strandberg is so certain that the Rapture is coming, he's bought a number of Internet addresses in addition to RaptureReady: AntiAntichrist, Tribulationus and RaptureMe. In the event that RaptureReady crashes during the apocalypse, anyone who needs an update will, with a simple Google search, be able to get one. Strandberg says Obama probably isn't the Antichrist, but he's watching the president-elect carefully. On his Web site, he has something called the Rapture Index, a calculation based on signs and prophecy of the proximity of the end. According to Strandberg, any number over 160 means "fasten your seat belts." Obama's win pushed the index to 161.

I'm going to be so pissed if everyone else gets spirited out of here, and I'm left to be vaporized by the minions of the Antichrist.


Toby said...

Actually, once the religious wackos get raptured out of here, this place should be pretty decent. Don't forget, WE are the minions of the anti-Christ (how much did YOU contribute to Obama's war chest?). Plus, we'd be assured of that "permanent majority" Rove was looking for.

One question: how do policies that favor choice on abortion and expanding marriage rights to gays restrict the freedom of religious conservatives? By not letting them trample the freedom of others? I'm confused.

Laura said...

Good points, good points.

Obviously, though, you're trampling my freedom if you don't let me hate and discriminate against you. Duh.

I do like the description of the rapture as a "whoosh" though. That's the name of the company that cleaned my shower drain.