I have had, over the past couple of weeks, numerous conversations with friends professing disappointment in some friend or loved one who upset them by not reacting or responding to them or a situation as they would wish--based solely on how they would respond in the same situation. When I inquire whether this expectation was communicated to the other person, the response I usually get is along the lines of: they should know, or it's only common sense. Then they nurse the perceived slight in silence.
Maybe it's just my new clarity of purpose, but here is what I endeavor to do in my own life (following up on my wisdom to never assume malice when you can assume cluelessness). Instead of expecting people to be mindreaders and/or exactly and precisely like me in interpreting all social cues, I will communicate my expectations when appropriate.
Simple, elegant, and so much less stressful. Not saying I've always done it, but, you know, work in progress.
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