What Will McCain's Next Hail Mary Attempt to Move the Polls Be?

Let it here be recorded that I think there's no way in hell this vice-presidential debate goes forward this week. I'm still pondering what the intervening emergency might be. Oil pipeline disaster in Alaska? Bristol miscarries? Baby Trig has the croup?

More generally, we can speculate, can we not, about some of the grander gestures on the McCain campaign horizon? Some ideas to get your brain turning:

1. Returns to Vietnam and jails himself.
2. Offers the post of "vice vice president" to Warren Buffett.
3. Challenges Obama to suspend campaign so they both can go and personally drill for oil offshore.
4. Learns to use computer.
5. Does bombing run over Taliban-controlled tribal areas of Pakistan.
6. Offers to forgo salary, sell one house.
7. Sex-change operation.
8. Suspends campaign until Nov. 4, offers to start being president right now.
9. Sells Alaska to Russia for $700 billion.
10. Pledges to serve only one term. OK, half a term.