Wednesday, September 5, 2007

The Answer to the Thorny Question: How Do You Notify Your Damned-to-Hellfire Friends and Loved Ones After You've Been Raptured to Heaven?

There are times when I just adore the myriad ways that we ingenious humans devise to use the Internet: communication, shopping, dating, political networking, job hunting.

And now, it's provided the answer to one of life's most difficult dilemmas for the God-fearing. You pre-plan for potential death and dismemberment, why not pre-plan for Rapture? Well, now you can. Says the website:

After the rapture, there will be a lot of speculation as to why millions of people have just disappeared. Unfortunately, after the rapture, only non believers will be left to come up with answers. You probably have family and friends that you have witnessed to and they just won’t listen. After the rapture they probably will, but who will tell them?

We have written a computer program to do just that. It will send an Electronic Message (e-mail) to whomever you want after the rapture has taken place, and you and I have been taken to heaven.

And it's free! But they do take donations to do God's work, you know, until the day.

2 comments:

Toby said...

But how does your computer distinguish between the rapture and a two-week trip to Hawaii? Is there protection against premature delivery? I wouldn't want my heathen friends to worry unnecessarily.

Laura said...

It's a good point. I'm wondering what the "Rapture trigger" is. An in-case-of-Rapture button, manned by a non-believer hired for just that purpose? Or are the expecting to have some forewarning to set the e-mail spamming in motion? Or is it more like, every day that someone comes in and turns off the button is not the rapture.

Inquiring minds want to know.