The Hard Things In Soft Things Manifesto: “Why, I ask an uncaring world. Why does everything have to have the goddamn nuts on?”
Amen, brother, amen. Although in this case the enemy-of-my-enemy is indeed my friend, one must be careful that motivations of different factions in this struggle for justice don't get conflated. I submit and thus declare that we do not all oppose nuts on aesthetic grounds. For some of us, it's a matter of life and death, or at least moderate discomfort and not-insignificant whining.
6 comments:
As far as I'm concerned, nothing ruins a good chocolate chip cookie or brownie more than throwing in walnuts. And I love walnuts, just not in my baked goods. Another questionable pairing is nuts and ice cream.
So you support the mission!
Just last week, I had the misfortune to dig into what I thought was a cinnamon bagel, but which was instead a raisin bagel with walnut strudel. I confirmed the latter via their website after my tongue started swelling. But two separate employees denied denied that their proffered assortment had any nuts when my coworker inquired, in the vain hope of preventing just such a travesty.
Mr. Manifesto makes a good call when he declares things should be labeled, "produced in a facility that no only doesn't process things with nuts, but doesn't even know what a nut is."
And that brings up another thing: when did this goodamn trend of putting nuts in bagels start, anyway? A few months ago, I was similarly poisoned by a blueberry walnut bagel.
Who ever heard of a blueberry walnut bagel?
Not to bust in on the nutvolution, but I totally dig oat nut bread. Sorry......
Can we still be friends? :)
Absolutely! "Nut oat bread" declares its nutlike intentions upfront. Admirably forthright, in my book, saving time and heartache all around.
Well, putting blueberries in a bagel is just as wrong, if not more so, than putting nuts in one. But then, if you're buying bagels outside of New York City, you're taking your life in your hands, nuts or not.
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