My friend and I spent our lunch hour mocking perfect strangers' outfits. Those gigantic cowboy boots that make you look like a robot with no human limbs? Don't buy those. Ponchos? I say no way in any form, she comes down against the homemade variety that--this is important--has mismatched stripes, whereby, for example, green stripes don't match up with green at the seam but instead are skewed to meet red. We saw a woman wearing a tank top over a turtleneck. And, dear god, those tight, peg-leg jeans? Every person wearing those either looks like a stick insect or a gout-ridden lord.
We then came back and, after I dared my friend to make up a story about a nasty puddle we dropped her umbrella in, we tortured our OCD colleague with specters of germs and contamination. Don't worry, she totally had it coming.
Tomorrow, we make a 12-year-old cry.
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